Stand in the Rain
by Brandi Heir
Summary: Song fics about characters from the Protector of the Small Quartet. NOT ALWAYS IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER
1. Roald

hasnt anyone ever wondered what happened when Roald couldn't fight? why did Vanget bring him to Mastiff?

this is a songfic about how Roald felt during his stay at Northwatch.

* * *

Roald stood under the awning in the Fort Northwatch. Outside the walls, a battle was ensuing between the men of Tortall and the men of Scanra. With his stood a full guard of knights, alert and prepared for anything. Often they would glance at Roald, the man who would one day be their king, before turning their gaze back to the outside.

_He never slows down._

Roald slashed at the dummy hanging at the corner of the practice courts, venting all his anger. He was the Heir Apparent to the throne, he had so much power, yet he couldn't even fight to protect his people. He couldn't even patrol.

_  
He doesn't know why but he knows that when he's all alone, feels like its all coming down  
He won't turn around _

He was afraid to tell Vanget to let him fight. The man was an important ally and ROald knew that if he was charged with guarding the Heir, he would do the same. Still, he hated the fact that everyone else could protect his realm while he was stuck inside.

_  
The shadows are long and he fears if he cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down _

There were times, like now, when he was helping the healers when he wanted to scream and shout when he saw the men who suffered so. He wanted to take that suffering away. Wanted to fight. Later, in the privacy of his room, tears wanted to fall but he didn't let them because he knew that if he started to cry, he would never stop.

_So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down_

He stood in the rain, letting it wash over him. His world was falling apart. A huge battle was ensuing outside and he could do nothing. Screams and shouts worked their way to his ears. The sound of swords and axes crashing together was like a slap to his face. Here he was, warm and protected with a full guard of knights while the realm fought for freedom.

_  
You stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day, what's lost can be found  
You stand in the rain  
_

Roald punched the dummy as hard as he could. He had just been told that he couldn't go on the patrol, the one useful thing he had been doing, till the Scanrans fled. _What will it take for him to see? _Roald cried in his head. _How many people will have to die before Vanget will let me protect my home?_

_  
He won't make a sound  
Alone in this fight with himself and the fears whispering if he stands he'll fall down  
He wants to be found  
The only way out is through everything he's running from wants to give up and lie down.  
_

He wanted so badly for someone to see the anguish inside him and to tell Vanget to let him fight. He was in a fort, what was the point if he wasn't doing anything worthwhile? He had the training.

"Thank you, my lord. I'm grateful to you." The man he was healing rasped.

Roald wanted to fall on his knees and scream. How could the man be grateful if Roald couldn't fight for his home?

He hated himself then.

_  
So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
You stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day, what's lost can be found  
You stand in the rain  
_

"Sir, you know you're not allowed to be up here." Roald turned to see a senior Sergeant coming toward him. They were on the parapet of the Fort, the soldiers watching the ground below for any signs of Scanran attack. Roald was recently told he couldn't some up because what if the Scanrans had bows? _As if they knew who was who. _Roald thought cynically. It was then that he snapped. He knew he shouldn't have but he did. He told the soldier he was well able to take care of himself and if he could kindly piss off.

He swore afterwards, after Vanget had given him a mind numbing lecture, that the soldier had hid a smile behind his hand.

_  
So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
Stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day, what's lost can be found  
_

Roald's heart soared. He was finally able to help his people. Behind him he heard the soldiers murmur that they had never seen him so happy since they left the capital and his love, Shinko. He also knew that the soldiers thought he was crazy to be happy on a rainy day like today. But he was a watch captain at Mastiff. Vanget had seen he had to help someone after Roald had yelled at the head mage of Northwatch. So when they had come to Mastiff, Vanget let Roald do things he had wished he could before.

Now Roald let the rain drip from his hair, a smile on his face. He had stood his ground when everything seemed to be against him. He had stood through the anguish that had tortured him before. He didn't drown under all the protection people had been determined to give him. And though he still couldn't fight and deep down he still hated himself for it, he had found what was lost. He had found at least one more thing he could do.

_  
So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
You stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day, what's lost can be found  
You stand in the rain_

So he stood in the rain.


	2. Neal

i know its long but i was trying to do Neal justice. Thanks to sharingiscaring and emiri-m.y for reviewing the Roald chapter!

* * *

Neal

_I'm 15 for a moment  
Caught in between 10 and 20  
And I'm just dreaming  
Counting the ways to where you are_

Neal strode down the hallway, hands in his pockets, toward his room. Heart in turmoil, he went in and slammed the door shut, quivering like a nervous horse. Leaving the university was the single most difficult thing he had ever done. Before his brothers had died in the immortal wars, he wanted nothing more to become the Head Healer after his father. Even if he understood the duty, he never wanted to be a knight. He had loved the bustle of students and the intellectual conversations he could have with them. Being a page was so much different. Instead of thinking things through with intelligence, if you couldn't beat it, why bother? He flung himself on the bed and stared at the ceiling. At least he had Kel to keep him from losing his sanity. She was intelligent. He sat up quickly. Speaking of Kel, maybe he could go verbally spar with her. Lightened by the thought, he ran to her room to do so.

_  
I'm 22 for a moment  
She feels better than ever  
And we're on fire  
Making our way back from Mars_

The second year of squiredom wasn't that much different from the first. Lady Alanna still dragged Neal from one side of the country to another for healing practice. His legs were still sore from the wild ride to try and save a woman from the clutches of the flu. They had saved her, barely. Now they had returned to Pirate's Swoop for an unusual vacation and Lady Alanna had left Neal alone with his thoughts. He couldn't stop thinking that had he stayed at the university, he would have graduated by now. As he struggled with his feelings, he didn't hear Lady Alanna step up beside him on the balcony overlooking the ocean.

"Having second thoughts?"

He glanced at her, surprised.

"Of course not."

She nodded wisely. "Because by now you would have graduated right?"

He didn't reply to that, just kept his mouth shut for once.

"There's nothing wrong with being a knight Neal, and I understand your sense of duty for it." She clapped him on the shoulder in a rare gesture of affection. "Intelligence is wasted it its not applied where one thinks it can do the best help."

Neal thought that over for a moment. Suddenly he grinned as he understood what she meant.

_  
15 there's still time for you  
Time to buy and time to lose  
15, there's never a wish better than this  
When you only got 100 years to live _

_  
I'm 33 for a moment  
Still the man, but you see I'm a they  
A kid on the way  
A family on my mind _

Sighing, Neal paced outside the door to the infirmary. His wife Yuki was on the other side, letting out screams of pain that Neal could hear through the doorway. Duke Baird calmly gave Yuki instructions as he monitored the baby's journey out of Yuki. There was silence behind the door that made Neal pause, heart in his throat before Yuki screamed again. He let out a moan and ran a hand through his hair. Yuki hadn't wanted Neal to deliver the baby because she knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself from worrying, or put him in a position to have to choose her or the baby if something went wrong. He understood her reasoning and was secretly glad for it but times like these he wished he could be inside the birthing chamber.

"Meaethead, stop pacing. You'll wear out a hole from here to Carthak." His cousin, Dom, stepped through the doorway, his own wife, Kel a step behind him. She walked to Neal and forcefully shoved him onto a chair.

"You'll do no one any good wearing yourself out." She cajoled and put a water flask she had brought in his hand. "Drink."

Neal was just taking a sip when the door flew open. He spit out the water all over Kel when he saw his father standing in the doorway.

"It's a girl." He grinned and moved out of the way so Neal could see a radiant Yuki beaming down at a small bundle in her arms.

Neal smiled sheepishly at Kel, who was dripping wet. "Sorry."

_  
I'm 45 for a moment  
The sea is high  
And I'm heading into a crisis  
Chasing the years of my life  
_

An old battle wound ached as Neal lowered himself into a chair and relaxed, letting his head drop down onto his hands. Who knew being the Head Healer was so difficult? Why his father decided to drop the job on him, Neal had no idea. It wasn't what he dreamed about anymore. But it brought him closer to his family so who was he to complain? Deep down though, he knew he wanted to be out on the field, watching his friend's backs as they fought the small scale attacks the occasional Scanrans tried. H now knew what Lady Alanna had told him when he was her squire, the Gods watch over her. She had always said that her body added up all her injuries and gave her the bill at 45. He wished he was young again, when his body didn't ache and he could still do all those things he could do before without fear of self injury.

Another noble patient walked into the infirmary, complaining loudly of a stomach ache and disturbing his other patients. With a sigh, he got up.

_Time to go to work_, he thought wryly.

_15 there's still time for you  
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself  
Within a morning star  
15 I'm all right with you  
15, there's never a wish better than this  
When you only got 100 years to live  
_

_Flashback…_

Neal urged his horse, Magewhisperer, toward the quintain dummy on Wyldon's orders. He hit it on the shield but the sand bag still hit his back.

"Again, Queenscove!"

Wyldon told him.

And again and again he did it, until the sand bag no longer thumped against hit back.

_End Flashback. _

Neal still remembered those years he trained under Wyldon. Now that he looked back on it, he was grateful. Still, 15 was a good year if hard.

_Half time goes by_

_Suddenly you're wise  
Another blink of an eye  
67 is gone  
The sun is getting high  
We're moving on..._

_I'm 99 for a moment  
Dying for just another moment  
And I'm just dreaming  
Counting the ways to where you are  
_

Wheezing and old, Neal was wheeled into the Council Chamber's of Roald's successor, his son and heir, Kai. Neal was the last of his close friends and family to still be alive. His eyesight was poor but his mind and ears were still as sharp as ever, even at 99. All his friends had been killed on the battle field or had died in bed after their retirement. Neal supposed he hadn't died uyet was because he had spent so many years as Head Healer and took his own advice. He was often called upon for advice to the Council of the King. Even conservatives fell silent in respect of his views, even if he was progressive because of his life experience. He still vouched for female knights, after Kel and his own daughter proved themselves to be as good as, if not better, then males.

"Sir Neal, what do you think?"

"Of what, boy?" Neal grumbled. He still put on the act of a cynical heartless noble, even if everyone else knew otherwise. He did not see King Kai hide his smile behind a hand.

"The Scanrans are attacking our border again and some are saying there might be a larger attack soon. We were discussing whether we should send more troops to support those already there or launch an attack of our own."

Everyone was surprised by the vehemence of Neal's response.

"For once would people stop underestimating the Scanrans? That's always the warrior's view, if you can't hit over the head with a sword what the use?" With a twinge of humor, he remembered saying the same thing on the banks of the Vassa River when he and his friends were going to resuce their people from Blayce the Gallan. "Make an alliance with them and maybe they'll stop attacking our borders." With that, he wheeled himself out of the room, not willing to let people see the tears in his eyes. Kel would have been proud of him.

_15 there's still time for you  
22 I feel her too_

_33 you're on your way  
Every day's a new day..._

_  
15 there's still time for you  
Time to buy and time to choose  
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this  
_

In the corner of the graveyard reserved for nobles that were heroes in the palace graveyard, a new gravestone was dug into the ground. It was a simple gravestone, gray with a black border. Its inscription was simple but just as strong.

_Here lies Sir Nealan of Queenscove._

_Lived for one hundred years_

_Loved and respected by all_

_Friend of Lady Knights._

"_Why Fight When We're Not Immortal?"_

_When you only got 100 years to live_

_

* * *

_

Like it? Please tell me, i know its long. is it too much?


	3. Kel

i totally forgot to tell you all the songs for the first two chaps so i'll do this one and the others now

chap 1 is stand in the rain by superchick

chap 2 is 100 years by five for fighting

this chap is when we die by bowling for soup

this idea totally came out of the blue. thnx to **theweirdworder** and **Fire Daughter **for their reviews! guess its that time now, enjoy!

_

* * *

_

_Well, I know that it's early  
And it's too hard to think.  
And the broken empty bottles  
Are reminder in the sink._

Kel rode Peachblossom down Market Way, hands in her pockets. Jump padded in her wake, occasionally stopping to smell a niche or mark a post. A few sparrows followed too, flapping to window sills and playing in the air. Kel watched them, her heart hurting more then she cared to admit. She swallowed against the lump that formed in her throat and urged Peachblossom to a trot. He snorted but obeyed. There were few people out so early in the morning and those she passed silently moved out of the way. It was as if the whole world knew her grief. That was why she left the palace. It was too hard to think there.

_But I thought that I should tell you  
If it's not too late to say.  
I can put back all the pieces  
They just might not fit the same.  
_

The guards at the gate murmured when they saw the famed Protector of the Small riding toward them, but they didn't make a move to stop her as she past them. She didn't hear the words of their whispers but she saw the pitying looks they gave her. It made her humiliation all the worse. Why did they tell me now? She thought to herself, locking the tears inside her. Why did they have to go?

_Cause nothing's worth losing  
Especially the chance to make it right._

Finally freed of the city, she leaned over onto Peachblossom's neck. Jump and the birds, sensing what she was about to do, sheered away to occupy themselves.

"Charge," she whispered. She felt Peachblossom's muscles bunch under her before he took off, an avalanche of a horse. As he ran down the road, Kel let the tears fall. No one could see them if she past them, going at the speed she was. Her thoughts burned her mind and her heart screamed at her as she thought about what had happened the night before. When the pain grew to be too much, she gave Peachblossom his head, to let him do what he wanted, and locked her heart in ice.

_I'll be fine._ She told herself forcefully as the wind whipped past her eyes._ I'm gonna be okay._

_And I know that we're gonna be fine.  
And the tattooed mistakes  
Are gonna fade over time.  
As long as we live, time passes by.  
And we won't get it back when we die.  
_

The sense of time blurred for her as she prepared herself for her ordeal. She knew she could have been more productive, _should have been_, but her heart was still locked in ice. She didn't care anymore.

_Well I know it's been years now  
And I don't look the same.  
And the hopes and dreams you had for me  
You thought went down the drain.  
_

Her room was slowly became a dead place to be. It felt like years since she had heard the news. That her parents had died in a bandit attack on Mindelan. She was to go home and help arrange the funeral. Despite her hopes and dreams for what could've happened with _him_, she had planned to act on her feelings, she needed to honor her parents more. So she thought to herself as she locked her door behind her.

_And the room feels so empty  
where my pictures used to be.  
And I can't say that I blame you,  
But you can't blame me._

Her room back in Mindelan was empty. It was barren since she hadn't used it since childhood. Kel knew she wouldn't be back at the palace for a long time, helping to reorganize her fief and take care of all the business that needed to be finished. She looked away from the walls as her heart squeezed. They were empty of her Yamani paintings and her weapons. It would never to hold them either.

_Cause nothing's worth losing  
Especially the chance to make it right. _

_And I know that we're gonna be fine.  
And the tattooed mistakes  
Are gonna fade over time.  
As long as we live, time passes by.  
And we won't get it back when we die_

Despite her self reassurances, the day loomed. Daily she said it would be fine. That she would make up the lost time. That that day that was tattooed in her memory, that mistake of not saying anything, would fade. Even though she knew she was lying, she told herself it anyways.

_Cause I gotta know,  
If I am doing this all on my own. _

Most of Kel's friends were at Mindelan already. They didn't say anything when they saw her after about a month since she had told them the news but she knew what they were thinking. She wasn't herself anymore. Listless and gloomy was never normal behavior for her. But they didn't know how to help her, how to comfort her. It was a week away from the funeral when Neal decided to try. He stopped her on the way to the dining hall.

"Kel, can I have a word?" He asked. She shrugged and opened the door to her room. Neal didn't comment on her new room decorations. She waited by the bed as he closed the door behind him.

"Kel," he began, unsure. "Are you doing alright?"

She shrugged again in response.

"I'm doing alright."

Neal looked uncomfortable.

"You don't look alright."

That was true. She had acquired bags under her eyes and she had lost a lot of weight. She didn't know how that happened, she had been eating just fine. She didn't say anything to Neal, neither conceding nor denying the fact. Her silence was enough of an answer for Neal.

"Kel," he started again, "it'll be fine.

He was surprised when Kel turned away from him. He thought he said something wrong when he realized her shoulders were shaking. Cautiously, he put an arm around her shoulders. In all his years with her, he had never seen Kel cry.

"Neal," her voice was muffled by her hands. "I have to know. Am I doing this all on my own?"

Neal didn't know how to answer so he hugged her and stayed with her until her sobs subded.

Come over.  
_Come over._

_How can I show you if you're not here? _

_And I know that we're gonna be fine.  
And the tattooed mistakes  
Are gonna fade over time.  
As long as we live, time passes by.  
And we won't get it back when we die. _

_And I know that we're gonna be fine.  
(and I know that we're gonna be fine)  
And the tattooed mistakes  
Are gonna fade over time.  
As long as we live, time passes by.  
And we won't get it back when we die._

Kel stood at the front of the crowd of people gathered to honor the deaths of Lord Piers and Lady Ilane of Mindelan. Her face was like stone as she watched her parent's bodies being lowered into the grave. Her hands were clasped before her, her feet spread apart in the stance of a soldier. Her friends stood with her. Neal and Owen each had an arm over her shoulder for comfort. She had eyes only for the grave that was slowly being filled. She didn't see _him_ standing at the back of the crowd, watching her with a pained expression on his face.

_Come over.  
Come over. _

_Come over.  
Come over.  
Come over.  
Come over.  
(I gotta know)  
And we won't get it back when we die_

The congregation had gone inside and Kel's friends traded looks, unsure what to do. Should they stay with Kel or go inside and leave her?

"You guys go ahead," she said, her voice flat. "I'll be there soon."

They did as she bid, casting worried looks over their shoulders at her.

When she was finally alone, completely and truly alone, Kel collapsed onto her knees, sobbing on the grave. The grave stone was a stark reminder that she would never see her parents again. How could she be fine if she could never feel her mother's arms around her? Never feel her father's baritone voice teasing her? She sobbed for the past that she had lost, the support that had vanished. She had always counted on her parents no matter what. Who could serve that purpose now?

Arms wrapped around her and a voice gently murmured in her ear.

"Its alright, let it out." She did as he told her. After all, it was _him_. The one who knew her best. The one she was certain she loved.

"They're gone." She sobbed into his shoulder. "They're gone."

"I know, sweetheart, I know." Dom kissed her forehead. "But time will help."

_Well, I know that it's early...__

* * *

_

Like it? Love it? Hate it? tell me, tell me, tell me!


	4. Dom

well, you cant have a kel fic without following it with a dom fic so here it is!

thank you SO MUCH to **theweirdworder** for the song suggestions! this one, one of us by heather dale, is courtesy of her.

on that note, if any one has any songs they would like me to write to, PM me. i have a bunch of songs but i'm always willing to try out something else!

without further ado, a dom fic to one of us by heather dale.

* * *

Dom

_Before I got to fighting, or when fighting got to me,__  
I looked to find examples on the field of chivalry  
I saw mighty arms much stronger than my arms would ever be  
And I thought perhaps the field was not for me_

Dom wiped his face on his sleeve, grimacing when the leather caught in his hair and yanked. His horse stood next to him, sides heaving as he recovered from the harsh battle that had just been fought. He looked around him, his sword dripping blood onto the ground. The lull in the fighting allowed him to take in his surroundings. What he saw did not encourage him. Bodies lay in carnage on the field and blood stained the grass along with any entrails that had fallen out of bodies hit by the blazebalm. Lord Raoul stood with a few of the men on the side, watching as the Scanrans regrouped themselves. Everyone he saw looked haggard and old. Dom couldn't help but feel doubt creep into his heart.

But I stayed and watched the fighting 'til one figure stood apart  
In armor newly fashioned and a helm more pot than art  
But each blow was thrown with honor and a lightness of the heart  
So I took that step which soon became a start

He walked down the hallway toward the practice courts for the King's Own. Lord Raoul and Third Company had just come in from a skirmish with some spidrens that had been bothering a nearby village. Dom had just turned a corner when he saw a young girl with a wooden practice sword in one of the practice courts most often used for the squires. She had a look of fierce concentration on her face and her blows on the practice dummy were clear and precise. She wore armor that was new but wasn't full of designs and a helm that was there to serve its purpose, not to decorate her head. He had heard rumors of a Keladry of Mindelan joining the pages and Neal had written to him about her. Apparently she was a hand with a sword. Dom couldn't say how he knew it but he could see that each lunge, thrust, swipe, or cut she executed was done with honor and he couldn't say he'd ever seen anyone practice with such light heartedness.

_  
'Cause she was not the biggest fighter nor one to raise a fuss  
But I remember being proud that she was one of us  
And we might never stand together in the shield-wall side by side  
But because of her I lift my sword with pride  
_

"I bet you three crowns that I'll bet you in an arm wrestling match." Wolset said, eyes twinkling, as he looked at Dom who was relaxing on the riverbank. Dom opened one eye lazily.

"That's a bet you'll lose." He commented. From the other side of Wolset, a laugh sounded.

"So confident Dom." Kel leaned across Jump, draping her arms along the dog. "I'll raise it to four if you beat Wolset _and _me and throw in a latrine duty with it."

Dom shot up. He _hated _latrine duty with a passion.

"You'd better be ready to back that up." He said, striding over to Wolset and laying down in front of him, holding his arm ready. "Because nothing is coming between me and those four crowns."

Wolset and Kel laughed as Kel made her way over. The match between him and Wolset was short, Dom easily overpowering the older man. Kel lay down in front of him and put her hand in his. It was warm but not sweaty and calloused. Yet there was something different about it that made Dom feel something flutter in his chest.

Their match wasn't much longer then his had been with Wolset, only Kel outwaited him and in the moment he relaxed his hand to press down again, she slammed his fist down into the grass.

"I win," she announced smugly. Dom paid her his four crowns, groaned about the latrine duty, and watched her walk away to tend to Lord Raoul who was calling her. He rubbed the hand that had touched hers and was glad that Kel was one of them.

_  
She was ladylike and lively, not the type you would expect  
With a braver heart than many and a slot-shot to respect  
I guess she'd once decided this was where she'd like to be  
And I thought if she could do it, why not me_

"Hey Dom?" He looked up from polishing his sword. Kel stood beside him, climbing a giant rock. They were in a Bazhir encampment and Dom was taking the time to get his gear in order.

"Yes?"

"What made you join the King's Own?" Out of all the questions Dom was expected her to ask, this was not it. of course, nothing was ever as he expected with Kel. He sensed that this also wasn't the time to joke about it either.

"Well," he thought on it for a moment. "I guess it was during the Immortal Wars when people were dying and I realized that the realm needed all the help it could get. I was just sitting at home in Masbolle," he shrugged. "Guess it just called out to me."

"Hmmm…" Kel didn't say anything in reply, just looked out at the sunset.

Not for the first time, Dom wondered why _she _joined into the fighting forces. He supposed she'd once decided it was where she wanted to be.

_  
'Cause she was not the biggest fighter nor one to raise a fuss  
But I remember being proud that she was one of us  
And we may never stand together in the shield-wall side by side  
But because of her I lift my sword with pride_

_  
_Dom thrust toward the spidren and chopped off one of its legs. It shrieked and responded by hacking at him. Out of the corner of his eye, Dom saw Kel sneaking by one of the spidrens that was avidly guarding a little boy that the spidrens had stolen from the village. The boy was whimpered and struggling against the web encasing him. Dom beheaded the spidren as it fell to the ground. He turned and watched Kel was much as he could. She lunged for the boy and grabbed him. The spidren turned at the same time. It screeched and grabbed the axe beside it. It cut at Kel who dodged away, keeping her body between the boy and the axe. The axe fell again and she dived out of the way. Dom breathed a sigh of relief as Raoul shouted and five crossbow bolts studded the spidren who fell dead.

So now as I gather armor, bits and pieces here and there,  
I think about examples: how you act, and what you dare  
'Cause you never know who's watching or how far the story goes  
And where'er that Lady is I hope she knows

Dom pulled out a gauntlet and placed it on his bed. He found his helm on his and put it with the gauntlet. The breastplate was under his bed and he found his chainmail shirt under his pillow. He was just pulling another gauntlet from behind his desk when he glanced outside at the moon. It was midnight, Kel would be walking in to take her Ordeal now. Sitting down on the bed, turning the gauntlet over in his hands, he thought about the way she acted. Everyone was equal in her eyes and everyone deserved to be protected, regardless of status. He smiled to himself as he thought about what she had dared to do. To be the first girl to openly train to be a knight. The courage that it took to do just that was more then Dom thought he would ever have. He hoped she knew what she was doing for all those girls out there.

'Cause she was not the biggest fighter, nor one to raise a fuss  
But I remember being proud that she was one of us  
And we might never stand together in the shield-wall side by side  
But because of her I lift my sword with pride  
We may never stand together in the shield-wall side by side

Dom didn't know what came over him during that battle. They were in the shield wall together, side by side, waiting for the Scanrans to strike. He spent a brief moment wondering why it was always Scanrans before turning to her. The feelings he had been unsure of came swarming to the top and he knew that if he was going to die today, he wanted her to know how he felt.

"Kel?" He started.

She turned her beautiful face toward him, hazel eyes alit with curiosity. "Yes?"

He swallowed.

"I wanted to tell you something." Clearing his throat, he looked around t make sure they were alone. They were. "Kel, I liked you for a very long time and I think I'm starting to love you. I didn't want to go on the field without telling you."

Her eyes darkened with some emotion that Dom was hard put to place. The silence between them grew and he looked away, discouraged and embarrassed.

"Dom?" He turned to her again and he looked up, she swooped down and kissed him. Her lips were soft against his and he responded without thought. Once their passion was satisfied, they leaned their foreheads together.

"I was always proud you were one of us," he whispered.

_But because of her I lift my sword with pride_

* * *

Anything to say about it? hope it was worth it.


	5. Tobe

this song is also courtesy of **theweirdworder**. she has a good taste in music people!

anyway, this song was really inspiring. the minute i heard it i automatically was like, it a tobe fic. not alot of those anymore so i hope this one doesnt ruin it for anyone. enjoy!

oh, p.s., the song is let me be myself by 3 doors down. awesome band!

* * *

Tobe

_I guess I just got lost  
Bein' someone else  
I tried to kill the pain  
Nothin ever helped  
I left myself behind  
Somewhere along the way  
Hopin to come back around  
To find myself someday_

Tobe cowered in the corner, sobs racking his small frame. His arms hurt, his back hurt, his face hurt, his whole body hurt. The innkeeper Alvick stood above him, whip in hand. He raised his hand and brought it down, the lash stinging the already raw skin of his back.

"You foolish brat!" he snarled, his hand coming down again. "I'll teach you to ditch your chores!"

The beating lasted for a long time. When it was finally over, Alvick left with no ceremony, leaving Tobe alone. Tobe lay in the stall for a long time afterwards. He didn't understand what he had done. He didn't even remember who he was anymore.

Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you  
To say that it's ok, but tell me  
Please, would you one time  
Just let me be myself  
So I can shine with my own light  
Let me be myself  
Would you let me be myself

Tobe always hid behind others. He knew they thought he was a street rat, stealing from them while they "gave" him food and clothes. but he didn't. he never worked up the courage to steal. He was always with the horses. They understood him. They helped him when Alvick got into one of his tempers. Or when he needed comfort. The horses were always there for him, letting him be what and who he was, not some guttersnipper ever one expected him to be.

_  
I'll never find my heart  
Behind someone else  
I'll never see the light of day  
Living in this cell  
It's time to make my way  
Into the world I knew  
Take back all of these times  
That I gave in to you_

He lived in fear everyday before Lady Kel came. He was afraid to go outside because he knew that Alvick would try and get him to do things he didn't want to do. More then anything he wanted to be a groom. He wanted to spend all the time with horses. Train them, care for them, help them, and ride them. of course Alvick wanted him to work in the kitchens, away from prying eyes. When Lady Kel saved him from that beating, he wanted nothing more then to repay her. But first he had to make sure she wouldn't disappear on him.

Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you  
To say that it's ok, but tell me  
Please, would you one time  
Let me be myself  
So I can shine with my own light  
And let me be myself  
For a while, if you don't mind  
Let me be myself  
So I can shine with my own light  
Let me be myself

That's all I've ever wanted from this world  
Is to let me be me

Lady Kel turned him over to Daine when the war was over. Daine taught him wonderful things. he learned to talk to more then one horse at once. He learned how to impress his will on them. but best of all, he learned how to heal. He _loved _healing. It was his favorite thing. Every time he went out, he always found a way to use his healing power. He enjoyed the feeling of helping someone.

Deep in the back of his heart though, he couldn't help but wish someone had done that for him when he was hurt. But then he remembered Sir Nealan and Lady Kel not only healed him, but they found a way to let him shine with his own light and to let him be himself.

_  
Please would you one time  
Let me be myself  
So I can shine with my own light  
Let me be myself  
Please would you one time  
Let me be myself  
So I can shine with my own light  
Let me be myself  
For a while, if you don't mind  
Let me be myself  
So I can shine with my own light  
Let me be myself  
Would you one time... oooh_

"Lady Kel! Lady Kel!" He cried, running to her as she swung down from Peachblossom. She and Sergeant Domitan's squad had just returned from an excursion through to a few fiefdoms, taking in stock of the fighting abilities and sending requests from the lords back to Corus. She laughed as Tobe came streaking to her and bent down, enveloping him in a hug of her own.

"What a welcome, Tobe." She exclaimed, pulling away and looking down at him with cheerful eyes.

"Lady, you'll never believe the news!" He cried again, literally bouncing with joy.

"You'd better tell her lad," Sergeant Dom joked, him and his men listening in, "before you explode."

"You have to guess!" He squealed. Lady Kel laughed again.

"Did Daine teach you something new and vitally important?"

Tobe shook his head, grinning like a fool.

"Did you get a girl and kiss her?" Dom wanted to know.

Tobe shook his head again.

"Did a horse give birth?"

"Did the King proclaim you the new Wildmage?"

Finally Tobe could hold in the news no longer.

"The King and Queen approved your adoption request!" Lady Kel went silent for a moment before she swooped down again and gave him a hug bigger then the one before. He was so grateful to this Lady who had saved him from a life of misery and showed him how to be how he wanted.

_Let me be myself  
Let me be me_

_

* * *

_

This one was actually kind of hard to write so i hope it worked out for everyone too. let me know what you think!


	6. Yuki

yuki should have, in all rights come after neal, but this perfect song was suggested to me by the dear **theweirdworder** and it was too good a chance to pass up.

the song is called innocence by avril lavigne. personally, i'm not her greatest fan, but hey, the song spoke up.

i know that its kind of an odd one (teeheehee) but give it a chance and enjoy.

* * *

Yuki

_Waking up I see that everything is OK  
The first time in my life and now it's so great  
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed  
I think about the little things that make life great  
_

_I wouldn't change a thing about it  
This is the best feeling  
_

Yuki walked down the path in the Royal Gardens, examining the roses. She missed the cherry trees and _nandina_ with the _dichondria_ poking out between the flagstones. The gardens in Tortall were so wild and different. There was a structure to it but it was a free structure and she missed the organized color of the Yamanis. As she turned a corner, she almost ran into a couple enjoying themselves in the shade of a big maple who branched reached down low. She quickly turned and headed in the opposite direction. if she wasn't a Yamani, her cheeks would have been flaming. She managed to find a clearing with a bench that was unoccupied and sat down with a relieved sigh.

"Oh sorry," A voice said. She looked up to see one of the squires she had met at Midwinter standing awkwardly at the entrance to the clearing. His name came to mind quickly. Nealan of Queenscove, Kel's best friend. He shifted his weight from foot to foot. "I didn't know anyone was here. I like to come here and think sometimes…" He trailed off. She felt at a loss.

"You may sit here if you like. I don't mind," she murmured. After that, the conversation went on to talk about the differences between the Tortallans and the Yamanis. She lost track of the topic after that. She spent a lot of time, hiding her amusment behind her fan. But Nealan laughed out loud and grinned freely. She tried to follow his lead but she was raised as a Yamani.

When the midday bell rang, he got up from the bench with a sigh.

"I should go. My knight mistress will have me for lunch if I'm not back soon. It was a pleasure talking with you, Lady Yukimi. I hope to see you again." He took her hand and kissed it before turning and striding away.

Yuki turned her hand over to see what he had left in it. A small perfect cherry blossom rested against her pale palm. The feelings that whelmed her then were scary but she wouldn't change it because it was the best feeling.

_  
This innocence is brilliant  
I hope that it will stay  
This moment is perfect  
Please don't go away  
I need you now  
And I'll hold on to it  
Don't you let it pass you by  
_

Yuki paced up and down in her room. Neal would be taking his Ordeal that night and she was so afraid of what could happen. She had been there when they had carried that beautiful Joren out of the Chamber. He had looked broken, not finding peace even in death.

What if Neal died in there?

She had been talking with him more and more and the clearing in the Royal Gardens had become their clearing where they talked about life and their problems. She didn't realize her feelings for him were growing. She flirted with so many and felt so many different things that she was sure anymore. But now, she was begging him in her mind not to go. She realized she needed him and she wanted to hold him in her arms.

_  
I found a place so safe, not a single tear  
The first time in my life and now it's so clear  
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here  
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere_

I wouldn't change a thing about it  
This is the best feeling

Yuki found herself outside of the small party they were having in Neal's honor. It was held in a small room near their clearing. She was standing there now, letting the cool air slide over her skin revealed by her Tortallan style dress. It felt so nice and free, caressing her softly and sweetly. Only, she wished it wasn't the wind and it was Neal.

She glanced over her shoulder at the man himself. Neal stood with a goblet in his hand, talking with Lord Raoul. Her _shukusen _was in his belt and she wondered if he knew then meaning for it. She wondered if Kel had told him the significance.

As if he sensed her gaze, he looked up. Their eyes met and held. His didn't leave hers as he excused himself from Lord Raoul. Or as he walked toward her, through the door leading outside. Or when he stood directly in front of her. Then he leaned down and their eyes closed simultaneously when their lips touched. His strong arms wrapped around her and she knew it was a truly sincere moment. And she wouldn't change it for anything.

_This innocence is brilliant  
I hope that it will stay  
This moment is perfect  
Please don't go away  
I need you now  
And I'll hold on to it  
Don't you let it pass you by_

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming  
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling  
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry  
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming  
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling  
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

"I'll be back," he whispered into her ear. Yuki held back her tears, using her Yamani mask. But the mask didn't hide the teary quality in her voice.

"You'd better. I'll come and pull out of the Black God's realm by your ear if I have to."

He gave her a grin before, ignoring everyone in the courtyard, his friends, and the men he would fight side by side with, he swooped down and kissed her with more passion then ever.

She wanted to cry so badly. The happiness inside her made her think about how this could be the last time they kissed. It was a beautiful moment, with all the wolf whistles and comments by the soldiers passing her by. She wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. He responded eagerly and if he noticed the tears on her cheeks, he didn't stop to comment.

__

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry  
This innocence is brilliant  
Makes you wanna cry  
This innocence is brilliance  
Please don't go away  
Cause I need you now  
And I'll hold on to it  
Don't you let it pass you by

_  
This innocence is brilliant  
I hope that it will stay  
This moment is perfect  
Please don't go away  
I need you now  
And I'll hold on to it_

She couldn't wait any longer. She didn't _want _to wait any longer. With Shinko and Roald now happily married, she wanted her man too. So did Buri. That was when they pooled their money together to get enough to buy passage on a ship north. Then they unloaded their horses and traveled overland toward Steadfast as fast as they could.

When they arrived, it was to Third Company arrayed on the walls and Raoul in front of the fort, waiting for them. when he had spotted them, his face had lit up and he had whooped. Buri laughed and galloped her pony toward him. Swinging her leg over the side, she had jumped off her horse into Raoul's arms and they had had a kissing festival while Yuki gathered up the reins to the pony and ridden into the fort with the cat calls and whistles of Third Company at their commander.

When Neal had come though, it was much different. _She _had been waiting for him and then he had jumped off _his _horse to get to her. She still remembered the laughter of everyone around them and Kel and her friends. She had laughed along with them, not at their behavior which wasn't for little children, but because of the irony. Their reunion was exactly like Raoul's and Buri's only the roles were reversed. She found she didn't mind that.

Now she listened to the priest ask for their wedding vows.

"Do you, Sir Nealan of Queenscove, take Lady Yukimi noh Diaomoru as your loftly wedded wife?"

"I do." Neal's voice was full of confidence. She was glad for it.

"Do you, Lady Yukimi noh Diaomoru, take Sir Nealan of Queenscove as your loftly wedded husband?"

She looked into his eyes. "I do."

If anything came after that, she didn't remember. All she remembered was the feel of _her _husband's lips against her own.

_  
Don't you let it pass you by_

* * *

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINKS!!!! Honestly though, was that a weird one?


	7. Merric

Totally different format then everything else i've written here. the character spoke though, it didnt seem right the other way.

the song is called the howling by withing temptation.

see if you can guess who it is.

enjoy!

_

* * *

_

We've been seeing what you want,  
You've got us cornered right now  
Falling asleep from our vanity  
May cost us our lives

Horse's hooves pounding against the ground.

Bright swords, axes, and arrows flashing in the sunlight.

The clash of steel against steel.

The roar of soldiers running into battle.

We believed we were better in every way.

Our vanity and surprise when the Scanrans attacked cost many lives.

_I hear them getting closer  
Their howls are sending chills down my __spine__  
Time is running out now,  
They're coming down the hills __from behind__  
_

Metal monsters snapped and clacked, fingers whirring.

Scanrans snarled.

Swords came down across sinew and flesh.

I could hear them coming from behind us.

Closer and closer, the thud of heavy feet.

Sweat trickled down my back as I blocked a down coming sword.

_  
When we start killing  
It's all coming down right now  
From the night that we've created  
I wanna be awakened somehow  
(I wanna be awakened right now)  
_

Killing, killing, and killing.

That's all it comes down to.

How many people can I kill before I get killed?

Knight's service all glory?

Glory in death that is.

_  
When we start killing  
It all will be falling down  
From the hell that we're in  
All we are is fading away  
When we start killing  
_

Night has fallen, the ground stained red with blood.

Hell on earth, that's a battlefield.

We're fading.

No one sees, but killing is what we do now.

No music, the piano sits untouched.

I long to sit and touch its white keys again.

But the killing begins again.

_  
We've been searching on and on  
But there's no trace to be found  
It's like they all have just vanished  
But I know they're around  
_

Searching, searching, never finding.

The Scanrans we must kill.

No tracks, no noise, just stillness.

Like they have vanished.

I know they're there, I just can't find them.

_  
I feel them getting closer  
The howls are sending chills down my spine  
Time is running out now  
They're coming down the hills from behind_

Chills, time running out.

Why does my life revolve around battle?

I want to protect Tortall and its people.

But why so much killing?

I think like Kel now.

So many Scanrans left to die away from home.

Why do they still fight, knowing they might never come home?

When we start killing  
It's all coming down right now  
From the night that we've created  
I wanna be awakened somehow  
(I wanna be awakened right now)

Nightmares come at night now.

My men say nothing, but I know they know.

They wake me at night when I toss and turn.

They help me too, because they know the things I have seen.

They are young, protectors in the making.

They respect the veterans, those who have seen things

Things no man, or woman, should.

I want this to be a dream.

Someone, wake me, please!

_  
When we start killing  
It all will be falling down  
From the hell that we're in  
All we are is fading away  
When we start killing  
When we start killing!  
_

Battle is on the horizon.

I feel it, Raoul feels it, Lady Alana and Kel feel it,

Even Neal is nervous.

We hear them come down the hillside, near the Vassa.

The final stand of Tortall.

I raise my sword and howl a battle cry

Even in hell, when we begin to fade,

The killing begins again.

_  
I feel them getting closer  
The howls are sending chills down my spine  
Time is running out now  
They're coming down the hills from behind __remember__  
What we've done wrong?_

The sun is rising  
The screams have gone  
Too many have fallen  
Few still stand tall  
Is this the ending  
Of what we've begun?  
Will we

I hear the screams of Riders, King's Own, army soldiers, knights.

I no longer distinguish which I am.

We are all the same now.

The screams stop.

The battle is over.

We have won, but too many have fallen.

Few stand tall.

Is it the end?

Do we even remember the beginning?

Do we know this is the end?

When we start killing  
It's all coming down right now  
From the night that we've created  
I wanna be awakened somehow  
(I wanna be awakened right now)

When we start killing  
It all will be falling down  
From the hell that we're in  
All we are is fading away  
When we start killing

Battle after battle

That was my prime.

I sit at home now,

Recovering from a leg wound.

Later my friends will come to visit.

Kel, Neal, Owen, Roald, and Esmond.

We survived the Ordeal.

The hell is gone, for now.

We were faded but no more.

Now I still by the piano

Sweet music from under my fingers.

Hollyrose is better now, under my guidance.

Left alone to its own devices,

A land can go to waste.

"Merric of Hollyrose, injured or not, you're coming for a ride.

Get out of that musty music room and come get your horse!"

I grin to myself.

Kel can be very persuasive.

I put away the music sheets that are covered in notes with only

One word across the top.

A song I write to keep myself sane.

I call it, "The Killing"

_When we start killing!_

_

* * *

_

Well, do you know who it was?

Merric of Hollyrose, my friends. thought this song was perfect for him. Getting kicked off my computer, so everything is kind of short.

Tell me what you think!


	8. The Boys

SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT! i was having trouble with other stuff and i kinda forgot about this fic.

Well, this one is interesting. not really sure what i think of it, but it just came out. originally was going to be a faleron fic, but it turned into a the Boys of Kel fic. pretty much supposed to be a reflection by Merric, Faleron, Cleon, Roald, Esmond, Owen, and Neal together thinking. anyway, gonna give it a chance.

song is nothing else matters by bif naked.

THNX to all of you who review. i appreciate it. i'm trying to update soon but no new songs have really spoken to me. if theres a song that u want to see a fic to, drop me a line (PM) and i'll try and work it out.

p.s.

to the anonymous questioner of last time. i WISH i wrote the song. i wrote the song name at the top. its the howling by within temptation. if u look back its the 2nd line on top.

_

* * *

_

So close no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters

Listen to your commander. Listen to your superiors. Obey orders not matter what. We're constantly asked to trust others with our lives. We know thought, when we go out to fight, there's a chance we won't come back. _We_ will though. She waits for us. She kept us alive before and the thought of her will do it again. We're close to each other in heart no matter how far we are in distance. 

Never opened myself this way  
Life is ours, we live it our way  
All these words I don't just say  
And nothing else matters

It doesn't matter anymore if treason is the price. Our lives are ours when all is said and done. And so we can face the gods with pride when we die, we do what we think is right, even when it is the harder path.

_  
Trust I seek and I find in you  
Every day for us something new  
Open mind for a different view  
And nothing else matters_

We were shoved together into a wing of the palace, expected to master things we had never heard of before. We didn't know what we should do. Every day, there was something new and our minds were forced to wrap around these different views of the same thing. We lived every moment, worrying about the work we had. Nothing else mattered.

Never cared for what they do  
Never cared for what they know  
But I know

When the bullies came, none of us cared. Didn't care what they did or what they knew. We just had to get through today and finish the work. Plagued by questions we didn't understand, we constantly were under pressure. Could we make it? it was when she came when we started to know…

_  
So close no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters  
_

Trust comes from the heart. When we trust, we believe in each other. We have to trust someone, otherwise, we'd end up like Joren. Cold, cynically, afraid of change, and rigid. We'd've broken under the Chamber.

_  
Never cared for what they do  
Never cared for what they know  
But I know_

Never opened myself this way  
Life is ours, we live it our way  
All these words I don't just say  
And nothing else matters

We knew. And we still do. We pass it on to our squires, friends, sons, and daughters. Live the life you want, because when you face Mithros, the Goddess, the Black God, and the rest of the court, you might not get another chance.

_  
Trust I seek and I find in you  
Every day for us something new  
Open mind for a different view  
And nothing else matters_

Never cared for what they say  
Never cared for games they play  
Never cared for what they do  
Never cared for what they know  
And I know

She helped us. We didn't know it until it was too late.

She taught us many things. We didn't it until it was too late.

She fought for a cause that was greater then our own. We didn't know it until it was too late.

Now we stand before her grave. She lies under the dirt, dead from six crossbow bolts and an axe wound to the back. She tried to save a child, caught in the Scanran maggot's hands. While she distracted the Scanrans, we made the kill. But at a price. The gravestone is simply, chosen by us and her husband and children. We agreed it would do her the most honor.

So close no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are

"_Lady Knight Keladry of Masbolle, once of Mindelan_

_Protector of the Small_

_Mother and Knight_

'_Stand up for what is right, not matter how hard, because in the end, nothing else matters.'"_

_No nothing else matters_

_

* * *

_

Well then, i dont know about u, but i'm not really sure what i think here. PLEASE TELL ME YOURS!!


	9. The Lady Knights

This one holds a special place in my heart. i changed the lyrics around to match the time but it still speaks to you. i personally have bruises and scars fomr horseback riding and bleeding fingers from using a bow too long.

its anthem by superchick, once again courtesy of **theweirdworder**. what can i say? she hasa good taste in music!!

i really like it because the singer is a girl and it takes alot of courage to air a song like this. LOVE the song, whether i changed the lyrics or not. this one is about all the girls trying for their shield and the people who try and stop them. really fun to write and totally awesome song.

* * *

Kel/Alanna/Girls trying for their shields

_Here's to the ones who don't give up  
Here's to the ones who don't give up  
Here's to the ones who don't give up  
This is your anthem  
Get your hands up  
_

"Put more force into your blocks!" The wrestling teacher called to Alanna. "I've seen better punchs!"

Alanna gritted her teeth and did as she was told. Sacherall of Wellam threw another punch at her and she locked as hard as she could. As they fought, Alanna felt her strength beginning to ebb. The time she spent with Coram's sword was starting to tell on her. She hadn't slept well last night either.

_  
We are fire inside  
We are dresses and swords  
We are not going home  
And we are playin for keeps  
We are girls who skin knees  
We are concrete and grace  
We are not what you think  
Can't keep us in our place  
_

"You slut," Joren growled, anger twisting his face. "I'll put you in your place." He lunged at Kel and she brought her knee up into his face. He swore and backed up. Kel advanced on him, the armor arm guards she was wearing wicking in the light.

"You'd think you'd've learned by now that I won't go." She said, her dress breeches rustling softly.

"A woman has no place among men. She should be at home, taking care of the family." He snarled.

"Don't you think they can do both?"

Joren didn't answer that question.

"You'll go to the convent if you know what's good for you."

"Too late for that." She said and walked away. Joren watched her go. She was as graceful as any lady but she walked like a man.

_  
Here's to the girls on their horses with bruises and scars  
Here's to the girls whose fingers bleed from using the bow  
Here's to anyone who never quit when things got hard  
You'll never let them say  
"You'll never get that far."  
"Never get that far."  
"Never get that far."  
_

Fionala gasped as the Head Healer, Sir Nealan of Queenscove, used his magic to examine her face and ribs.

"Well, young lady," he began as he finished. "It's been a long time since I've seen anyone so royally pounded. "Did you get in a fight with tavern brawlers?"

"Horse." She managed to croak out through the handkerchief over her nose. "Fell off and he fell over me. Couldn't get out of the way fast enough."

When she left the infirmary, it was with three healed ribs, a healed skull, nose, and sore stomach. Afterwards, no one mentioned the bruises and scars that seemed to appear all over Fionala's hands and arms. No one told her she couldn't control her horse because when the examinations came around, she had the highest score in riding.

_  
We are fire inside  
We are an army asleep  
We are a people awaking to follow their dreams  
We don't have time for your games  
We have our own goals to score  
There are battles to win  
Instead a trophy of yours  
_

"Get off me!" Squire Caia of Marti's Hill cried, shoving the man who was throwing himself on her.

"Come on," he murmured, holding her arms against the wall as he ran his nose along her neck. "You know you want to."

Caia had had enough. She brought her knee up into the man's crotch and twisted, a move she had learned from her knight mistress, Lady Knight Keladry. The man gasped and let go, falling to his knees. She stood above him, quivering like a nervous horse.

"I am not going to be one of your trophies!" She snarled and kicked the man again before vanishing into the palace. She didn't have time for men's games. She was part of a woman army awakening to follow their dreams and she had her own battles to win.

_  
Here's to the girls on their horses with bruises and scars  
Here's to the girls whose fingers bleed from using the bow  
Here's to anyone who never quit when things got hard  
You'll never let them say  
"You'll never get that far."  
"You'll never get that far."_

Here's to the ones who don't give up

_Here's to the ones who don't give up_

_Here's to the ones who don't give up  
This is your anthem (anthem, anthem, anthem, anthem)  
_

"You'll never get that far." Her brother taunted. "You'll give up after a week. It's hard work, men's work."

"I'll do it." The girl in front of him snarled, fists clenched.

"When your fingers bleed from being too soft for the bow and you have bruises and scars from horseback riding and fighting, don't come complaining to me."

She never did. Even when things were hard.

_Here's to the girls on their horses with bruises and scars  
Here's to the girls whose fingers bleed from using the bow  
Here's to anyone who never quit when things got hard  
You'll never let them say  
"You'll never get that far."_

It was in the year, 500, when the list of the most honorable Knights was updated. Majority of them were women. It was the ones who never gave up when things got hard. The ones who put in more training practice then the boys. Their hard work paid off and Lady Knights became an accepted part of society.

_  
"Never get that far." _

* * *

Well????? Opinions please!


	10. The Contés

Oh my gosh. i can't believe i went that entire time without realizing i uploaded the wrong chapter!!!! i apologize over and over. that must have thrown you all off and made you think i was crazy. thank **domsdirtysecret** for the realization and the correction. it's all her!!!

anyway, i dont remember if there was anything important i wanted to say here so....yea

song is kings and queens by 30 seconds to mars.

* * *

Roald watched as an eagle soared over head. It shrieked, proclaiming its freedom before rising into the sky before disappearing. There was nothing Roald wanted more then to be like that bird.

_Into the night  
Desperate and broken  
The sound of a fight  
Father has spoken.  
_

"Please, Father, please!"

"No, I will not let my oldest daughter go into such a life."

"But Father, I-"

"No, this is done. We're not talking about it anymore." With that, King Jonathan swept out of the room. Princess Kalasin fell onto her bed as the door shut, sobbing. She only wanted to be a knight. But she knew that now she never would be. Her father had spoken.

_We were the kings and queens of promise  
We were the victims of ourselves  
Maybe the children of a lesser god  
Between heaven and hell, Heaven and hell.  
_

Roald walked down the Hall of Kings, silently padding down its length in soft doeskin boots. It was a secret spot only known to the royals, kept safe against enemies. Portraits lined the walls and the faces of his age old ancestors stared down at him. Finally he came to an empty spot, after his father's face. He stood before it for a long time. One day his face would go there. An inscription was craved between the empty space and his father's face.

_Why do the Contés rule? Is it because they are the children of a lesser god? Do they go to heaven or hell too?_

_We are victims_, Roald thought to himself. _Victims of being able to make choices._

_Into your eyes  
Hopeless and taken  
We stole our new lives  
Through blood and pain  
In defense of our dreams  
In defense of our dreams  
_

"Be fierce! Attack! Disengage! Attack again! Block! React faster!" Liam murmured as he practiced his sword skills.

"Come on, Liam," he growled to himself when he stumbled and cut his hand on his sword. "I'm so clumsy."

He sat down on the floor and examined the wound. It was quite deep and blood dripped onto the dirt. Pain lanced through his arm when he tried to move it. Liam moaned and leaned against the wall behind him.

"I'm hopeless," he whispered, defeated. But he didn't want to give up. His dreams rested solely on the sword and he was going to defend those dreams or by Mithros, he wasn't Conté.

With a groan, he clenched his teeth against the pain and began to rip his tunic to make a bandage. _I'll make a new life for myself, _he thought fiercely. _No longer the third child of Conté, hiding behind Kally and Roald, I'll be General Liam, right hand man of his brother. _

_We were the kings and queens of promise  
We were the victims of ourselves  
Maybe the children of a lesser god  
Between heaven and hell, Heaven and hell.  
_

A small sapphire blue sphere formed in the hand of the small child. Jasson stared in awe at the flame of magic. _Some god must've really loved us, _he thought as he played with his magic. _Who else would give us the gift? _

"Jasson, come on, come out with me." The eight year old looked up at his younger sister. She was hanging on his window sill, muddy hands leaving prints on the white stone.

"Look, Lia," he said excitedly, forgetting her request. "Look what I can do." He showed her the blue sphere.

"Be careful," she said with a childish wisdom. "You don't want to become like Emperor Ozorne. What with him being the Emperor Mage that we killed and all." With that she vanished. Jasson stared at the place she had stood in. She was right, he realized. With a determined expression on his young face, he jumped out the window after her. As he ran, he thought to himself. _I will not be victim to my Gift. But I will use it to help people. It's my duty as a Conté. _

_The age of man is over  
The darkness comes and all  
These lessons that we've learned here  
Have only just begun  
_

Tears were running freely at the funeral of Gareth the Younger of Naxen who had been killed in a spidren attack. Lianne watched Roald step forward with the funeral torch, an emotionless mask over his normally placid features. He touched the flame to the pyre and it caught, licking at the oil. As the fire rose ever higher, Lianne walked forward to her oldest brother and slipped her hand into his. He gave her a wanning, but grateful, smile and squeezed it. She leaned against him, providing comfort without words. The immortals in Tortall were growing fiercer and fiercer with every passing day. This was not the first funeral they had attended caused by immortals.

As they watched, Lianne saw a flash of silver in the forest beyond. For a moment, a unicorn was there then it vanished. All the lessons the Tortallans had learned on how to fight immortals were only the beginning. _The Age of Men is over, _she thought sadly. _The Age of Immortals has begun. _

_We were the kings and queens of promise  
We were the victims of ourselves  
Maybe the children of a lesser god  
Between heaven and hell.  
_

Of all the children of Conté, Vania was the most different. She didn't have the Conté gift or the gift of gilded lies for politics. She didn't have the gift of obedience or the gift of fierceness to fight. But she was the one the others depended on. For without her Gift, the Conté children would have fallen.

Vania had the gift of promise. She wasn't a victim of a puppet master like the king was to his council, like Roald. She wasn't a victim of politics like an empress is to her court, like Kalasin. She wasn't a victim of war tactics and planning like a general is to his army, like Liam. She wasn't a victim of magic like a mage is to his Gift, like Jasson. She wasn't a victim of suppression and obedience like a queen is to the fashion, like Lianne.

Vania was a victim of freedom and promise like a horse is to the open fields. Actually, exactly like a horse is to the open fields. Whenever anyone ever came to visit the Conté estate where Vania lived with Jasson, the first thing they would see was a brown horse the color of chocolate streaking though the open fields of greenery. It would always be unbridled and unsaddled and a woman would be riding on its back, hands twined in its mane. Her inky black hair would be flying back and she would be laughing. It was that laughter that always kept the Conté children together.

_We are the kings  
We are the queens  
We are the kings  
We are the queens_

_

* * *

_

Well, i still have no idea what i wanted to say here so just let me know what you think, yea??? again, so sorry about the confusion. i feel so terrible, :(


	11. Shinko and Roald

well, i dont really like this one. it was supposed to be a shinko fic but it evolved into this. it was originally going to be the last chapter of this fic but i kind of half assed this so i decided i'm going to do one more really good one.

the song is listen to your heart by d.h.t. feat. edm_é_e.

* * *

_I know there's something in the wake of your smile.  
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.  
You've built a love but that love falls apart.  
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark. _

Home. What a word. To Shinkokami, it was something she would never get to see again. The Yamani Isles were too far away for a monarch to travel to. Now Tortall had to suffice. But she had to admit, she missed the order of the Yamani gardens and the houses, the colorful kimonos and the still faces of her people. It was disorienting, seeing people's emotions on their faces.

She had built up love of her family, love of her friends, and love of her country and suddenly that had fallen apart. Her little piece of heaven had turned dark.

But Roald. He was so different. There was something in his smile though, she got the notion from the look in his eyes. She was afraid to listen to her heart though. The piece of her that thought, maybe, they could make this work.

_Listen to your heart  
when she's calling for you.  
Listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do.  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why,  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell her goodbye.  
_

Roald sat in the window seat, massaging his temples. He and Shinkokami had just met and what an awkward meeting it had been. She had been so still and emotionless, it was confusing, and when he talked, she leaned forward attentively. He didn't know what to talk about with her and he thought of dull subjects only.

But there was something in her. Something that called out to him. He wanted to listen to his heart, the piece of him that said there was nothing else to do. But he didn't know what she was wanted or why. He was afraid, if he messed this up, she would tell him goodbye and leave. That would bring a whole wagonload of problems to his country. This was one thing he couldn't mess up.

_Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.  
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.  
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,  
the feeling of belonging to your dreams,_

_To your dreams._

She wondered sometimes, if this treaty was worth it. Worth leaving everything she loved behind. Then she remembered the people who would suffer if she failed and it pulled everything into perspective again.

When it got to be too much, she would go out into the gardens and make up for all those precious moments that got caught up in the tide of making a place for herself in a new country. They were sometimes swept away and there was nothing left. 

_Listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you.  
Listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do.  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why,  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye.  
Listen to your heart._

Roald was sitting at his desk, going through his old papers from his page and squire years.

"Roald?" A small voice called timidly from the door. He looked up to see Shinko standing there, holding her dressing robe around her, looking nervous. He began to get up.

"Is something the matter?" He asked, concerned. She shook her head.

"No, I just – _we _just…need to talk."

He wasn't sure he liked the direction this conversation was going. "Alright."

She took a deep breath and dived in. "We need to listen to our hearts, Roald. If we mess up, it's not only us who pay for it."

"You're right," he replied, shocked that she had worked up the courage to tell him. "we need to listen to our hearts."

_Listen to your heart._

_

* * *

_

Well, what did you guys think? it's not as good as the others huh?


	12. Kel and Dom Finale

lately, my friends keep changing. i dont understand it. i loved them totally the way they were and suddenly they're total jerks. i dont get it. does that happen to anyone? ugh, i hate it. i miss my old friends.

anyway, thats the angst behind this one. it's sad. i love this song. and i love the pairing but my heart hurts so my characters' hearts hurt. if you dont want to read a sad fic, dont read this.

song is battlefield by jordin sparks. used to not like her but now i'm kind of liking it. last chapter, kind of liking the feeling of finishing something. doesnt usually happen. but, enough about me, here's the last chapter to Stand in the Rain!

* * *

_Don't try to explain your mind  
I know what's happening here  
One minute it's love  
And suddenly it's like a battle-field_

"Don't try and explain it."

"But, Kel-"

"No.I _don't _want to hear it, Dom."

A sigh and then the door swung shut behind him. She sat down on the bed. One moment, love felt like the most amazing thing ever. Then, it felt as if she was on the battlefield again, struggling to keep from dying of blood loss. She let out a hollow laugh. Her broken heart definitely had to be taken care of before it died of blood loss.

_One word turns into a  
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down  
My world's nothing when you don't  
I'm not here without a shield  
Can't go back now_

Now she wished she hadn't said that one word. It confused her how the smallest things she said, like _no,_ could turn into the things that tore her apart from the inside out. Dom and Third Company had left for a mission in the far south and her world seemed, strangely, like nothing without him. And the gossip from the court. How she wished she had Dom as her shield again! _But, _she thought as she picked up her glaive, trying to distract her mind from thoughts of Dom, _I can't go back now._

_Both hands tied behind my back with nothing  
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again  
Why we gotta fall for it now  
I never meant to start a war  
You know I never wanna hurt you  
Don't even know what we're fighting for  
_

It was really a battlefield, a war between two sides. Kel versus Dom. And though they didn't know it, there was more to their sides then just themselves. It often involved people they didn't know. Gossip traveled fast and it wasn't unheard of to hear a argument on how Keladry of Mindelan and Domitan of Masbolle should or shouldn't have stayed together. However, it also involved people they did know.

_Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?  
Why does love always feel like...  
_

Dom walked down the path outside, absently kicking a rock between his feet. A shadow fell across him and he looked up into Lord Raoul's stormy eyes. While Raoul had kept his opinion of Kel and Dom's break up silent, that silence, to Dom, was worse then a hundred curses.

"Dom," Raoul began curtly. "I don't pretend to understand why but I want you to know this. Love is a different emotion for us all. There's a love of friends and a love of lovers. Love is also a battlefield and if a loved one is hurt on that field, there are consequences." Dom gulped, afraid to say anything, but instead of trying to redirect Raoul's anger, he withstood it, knowing he deserved it. Raoul's gaze softened a fraction. "But I think you have beaten yourself up about it enough. My only punishment is hard work. Satisfy me on that count, and I'll leave you. However," then Raoul's eyes hardened. "If you hurt her again, there will be more pain in you future."

_Can't swallow our pride,  
Neither of us wanna raise that flag, mhmm  
If we can't surrender then we both gonna lose what we had, oh no  
_

They passed each other so often in the hallways, stables, mess halls, and practice courts that they could hardly bear to look at each other. Neither knew how much it killed the other to bear a cold posture and ooze indifference but they knew in their hearts that their pride was the only thing they had left and surrender was _not _an option.

_Both hands tied behind my back with nothing  
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again  
I don't wanna fall for it now  
I never meant to start a war  
You know I never wanna hurt you,  
Don't even know what we're fighting for._

"I don't want this, Neal. I never wanted to hurt her."

"It's war now, Dom. Love is a hard emotion to bear and rejection is even worse."

"I never meant to start a war."

"Well, you did, o wise one."

A harsh laugh. "If I was so wise, I would know what we were fighting for."

_Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?_

_Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?_

_I guess you better go and get your armor,_

_Get your armor, get your armor  
I guess you better go and get your armor, _

_Get your armor, get your armor  
I guess you better go and get your..._

"Kel, what are you doing?"

"Getting my armor."

"Why?"

"Because I need to clean it? Why the sudden interest, Raoul?"

"No interest. I just came by to make sure you are alright…You are alright?"

A pause.

"You know, I should use the armor around my heart. Save me more pain then I'd ever receive on the battlefield."

"Kel…maybe you two should talk this out."

_We could pretend that we are friends tonight (oh-oh-oh)  
And in the morning we'll wake up and we'll be alright  
Cause baby, we don't have to fight  
And I don't want this love to feel like..  
_

"Dom?"

"Kel?"

"Can we pretend to be friends for tonight? We need to talk."

"…of course. We can stand not fighting one night."

A pause of silence.

"I don't want to fight, Dom. I don't want love to feel like we're constantly at odds with each other.

"Me neither, Kel. I don't know why I said that. It was foolish."

"I just want us to wake up in the morning and be alright."

_A battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield,  
Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield_

_I guess you better go and get your armor..._

_I never meant to start a war  
You know I never wanna hurt you,  
Don't even know what we're fighting for _

_Fighting, fighting for.  
_

"I don't want to start a war between us."

"Dom-"

"I don't even know what we're fight for."

"Dom, I-"

"I never wanted to hurt you, Kel! Please understand!"

"Dom, I-I…it's not going to work. I'm sorry."

"Kel, come back!"

_Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?_

_Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?_

_I guess you better go and get your armor,_

_Get your armor, get your armor  
I guess you better go and get your armor, _

_Get your armor, get your armor  
_

Sobs. Tears. Hearts breaking. Armor shattering. Love. War. All is fair. But why? Who deserves this heartache?

_Why does love always feel like...  
Why does love always feel like...  
A battlefield, a battlefield…  
_

"Did you and Dom make up?" Kel turned to Neal's voice as she walked down the hallway from Dom's room. Her throat closing, she blinked rapidly trying to blink away tears.

"No." She said and fled to her room.

Dom stared at the far wall, not really seeing it.

"Dom? Are you alright?" Neal's voice said from the door.

"She's gone. She's never going to come back." He said, voice hollow. Then the tears rushed onto his cheeks.

_I never meant to start a war  
Don't even know what we're fighting for  
I never meant to start a war  
Don't even know what we're fighting for_

_

* * *

_I can't tell you guys how much i enjoyed writing this fic. it was fun, i learned about such amazing music and i got to vent my feelings. but, i'm going to miss hearing a song and thinking hey, that is totally kel/dom/merric/whoever, you get the idea.

i want to thank you all for reviewing and alerting and all that jazz. so, while i enjoyed writing this, it's time to say good bye. But, there will be more song fics in the future and my other stories are still going. go check 'em out!

P.S.

i still want your reviews!


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